Raising Awareness of Dating Violence and Abuse Among Teens and Preteens in the Church
- Windy
- Jan 5, 2025
- 3 min read
Not everyone is raised with the same values, morals, or beliefs. I wish I had understood this 22 years ago before I was swept off my feet by a charming young man who became my husband within a year.
I naively assumed that because we met in a church small group, we would share the same faith, beliefs, and moral compass. I believed we were on the same page in every way. Plus, there were no signs {that I was aware of} that indicated anything different. But looking back, I realized that I was living in a bubble, surrounded by like-minded people who valued honesty, integrity, and mutual respect. My friends and family didn't use others for personal gain. We were all working to build our lives and move forward, whatever that looked like for each of us.
Growing up, I had a close-knit group of friends in high school and college. Sure, we had our own challenges-- family struggles, relationship issues, and personal setbacks -- but nothing that could have prepared me for what I would face later in life. I was careful to avoid hanging out with people who had destructive habits like excessive drinking or drug us. I never wanted to be around the chaos that seemed to follow them. But, perhaps the biggest thing I missed was the lack of awareness around mental health issues--specifically, personality disorders.
Looking back, I don't even know if I had ever heard the term "personality disorder" 20+ years ago, or if it was as widely discussed then as it is today. We all knew terms like "psychopath" or "bipolar," but back then, those words were often thrown around carelessly and misunderstood. I never imagined that a seemingly sweet, clean-cut guy I met at church could be affected by something so serious.
But it does exist, and I feel it's my responsiblity to shout it from the rooftops for young people -- especially those entering dating relationships or considering marriage. Personality disorders are real, and they're likely more prevalent than we realize. The statistics don't even begin to tell the full story.
As parents, we have a duty to educate our children about these issues-- before it's too late. Relationships should be based on mutual respect, trust, and understanding, but if someone is dealing with a personailty disorder (or is unaware of it OR is aware but left untreated), it can completely distort those dynamics. Being informed can make all the difference. So, I urge you: talk to your kids about mental health, personality disorders, and red flags in relationships. The more they know, the better equipped they will be to recognize potential warning signs and avoid toxic relationships that can cause lasting harm.
The truth is, we can't always prevent the challenges life throws our way, but we can give our children the tools to face them head-on. Let's help them build healthy, loving relationships-- ones where mutual respect and trust come first.
Hugs,
Windy
Side note:
The link between individuals with personality disorders and relationship violence/abuse is extremely significant. I have experienced it for over 20 years. If you're not familiar with different mental illnesses and/or personality disorders, I encourage you to conduct your own research. Here are some books that appear to address the issue of relationship abuse among preteens/teens. However, I'm uncertain if they cover mental illnesses or personality disorders. For transparency, I haven't read any of these books yet, only their summaries and Amazon reviews—my son is still a bit too young to discuss the topic.
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This book can be pre-ordered and is set to be released in June 2025. I am optimistic that it will raise significant awareness about the problem of relationship abuse and violence among young people in the church.
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